it's hard..

it's the worst actually. 
the little things.. like when i've had a long day at gym, or something went completely wrong at work, and all i want is to tell you about it. i know you'll listen. but do you really care..?
and when you would flirt with her before.. it hardly phased me, because you told me never to worry about it, you were completely done with her.  i knew, thought i was your girl. yeah. maybe we said just best friends, but you claimed to love me. and after being stubborn for a long time, i believed you.  unfortunately though, it wasn't the truth..  if you claimed to love me, why did you kiss her? and then tell my friend a week later that that same night, you considered kissing me too but got to scared... how could you say i love you, and only you, to two girls in one night.. and then continue to live that lie. 
and now, when you tell me it wasn't your fault.. i don't think i believe it. i already believed once.. 
it's hard to look back, and wonder just how much of it was a lie. because honestly i have no idea. i was naive, unwillingly, i ended up giving you my trust. but was everything really just a scheme for you to forget about her? was i really just being used..? cause obviously, looking back it does kind of look that way. i fell hard. nothing i ever said or did was fake. i promise. 
you're done with her because you're done hurting her.. that makes it seem like the love still exists. i want to believe you, and you can say what you'd like. but the way you're acting really doesn't give me any reason to. 
it hurts me soo much, knowing that i can't trust someone that i thought was my best friend.
you ask for another chance, to hand over my trust once again. but honestly, why the heck should i? i want to. i wish i could. but every little thing that happens.. i can't help but question.. 

and honestly, it's killing me.