tswift. nuff said?

dear john. last kiss. if this was a movie. white horse. back to december. story of us. haunted. 

let's be real. she took my feelings and created songs.. 

i've thought it about a lot lately. well of course.. i've tried to say i hate you because of it. that you're a jerk. and a terrible person to do it all.. but i can't. i know you so much better than that. i know you're an absolutely amazing kid. so as to why this is all turning out the way it is? i'm not sure..  

i don't doubt your friends all think i'm a an obnoxious little girl who's obsessed with you. because that's basically the story you told me about all your ex's. and did you really say, "i can't believe i ever liked her?" probably. i'm truly sorry that you're regretting it all now..

i don't hate you. maybe i should but i don't. i don't want a relationship at all.. i see i'm better off without it. but i would love to be friends again.. i tried to not make things awkward between us. i tried to text you and have conversations a couple of times. but it was clear to me that you don't want to talk.. and you never bothered to text me anyway. i really do miss my best friend. i guess i knew it was all coming. i just wish i would've been wrong. 

[the one good thing about texts, is they can be saved. word. for. word.]

hah. and i promise even though texting is mentioned often that's not all i care about. i'm just saying isn't a text the least someone can do to say that they still care?

i can't even explain to you how scared i am to lose another friend.. 
[which is why you choose to ignore me in the halls now, and never text me.]
.....i'm not going to argue with you anymore... i lost my best friend.. i lost... everything... :( i'm sorry Brittney.. i'm so so sorry... 
[right. well you don't care for anymore.. so i figure you're doing just fine without 'everything']
Do you want it too be like this?? do you want to walk through the hall ways at school and when yous see me think to yourslef. that's the boy who ruined me. that's the boy who i hate. do you want that? 
[no, honestly that's never what i wanted. and thankfully, i'm not ruined, honestly it's more like:  'i really wish we were still best friends and that you wouldn't look away and pretend not to see me every time.]
i still have faith in the love we had... i w ill never love someone the way i love you.  i know you don't believe me.. but i have never hurt so much in my life.. i'm not trying to change anything cause nothing will change now.. i just want you too know that i love you.. i'm sorry.. 

[which is why zero effort has been made to keep the friendship.]

you said it yourself it isn't the end if everything feels wrong. i'm not giving up. i want to start over. like we just met. i want you to be hard on me.. i won't stop following my heart. i wont stop loving you. and i won't stop trying to get you to see the real me. 
[hmm... haha obviously this is what happened?]
 i can be so much better. for the both of us.


me: and this could go etiher way.. and get better or get worse.. i guess we'll just see how things play out? [i'll be the first to say better is definitely not how it played out.]

this post will probably be deleted tonight. 

sometimes you just to have let things out..