i stopped caring.

and quite honestly. 

it might've been the best thing ever. 

for two weeks i've written posts, but saved them all as drafts. (because basically they're about how life sucks.)


i cried. hard. for a long time. and woke up with super puffy eyes. and didn't even bother to try and cover it up with make-up before leaving to school. 


i wore a sweatshirt, a sports bra, and jeans that really don't look that great on me. 
with a ponytail on the top side of my head. and a little black bow, cause that's simply who i am. 


i decided to just forget about that boy. he's complicating my life so much more than necessary right now. and obviously he likes her. how about i make this easier for both of us and just stay out of the way. accept the fact that he likes her. and i realized, it's not because she's better than me, and i'm not doing anything wrong, it's just the way that it is. 


in effort to avoid said boy, and anything that might cause even the slightest bit of drama, i ditched lunch. and gave up on trying to be social. 
instead jess and i went home. i ate two lunches. and we made orange rolls. 


i was late to fourth period. and didn't get a 10 on my assignment. 
i became best friends with three of the quirkiest kids ever in math. because they're real. and this world needs more real people. 


i went to gym. and just had fun. including a ridiculous dance party. 
i didn't shower before going to mutual, even though it was combined. and my hair was once again on top of my head. 
i socialized with some elderly. because they're old, and wise. and real.

life isn't perfect. and it never will be. no matter how hard i'm trying. 

am i an extreme perfectionist? definitely.. and no wonder these past couple weeks have sucked. 

they've been anything but perfect. 

today i accepted the imperfections. 
and chose not to care. 
and hey. i was happy.


and it feels good to say that again... i am happy. 

*disclaimer: i do still care. just not about all those little things, that really, don't even matter.