genuine happiness.

i looked into her eyes and something was different. everything was different. sure, it was the same girl that only a couple years ago, i called my best friend. but she wasn't the same. it was like the light had gone out. the confidence that had once radiated through her, had melted away, and insecurity had filled it's place. i realized the moment where we chose different paths. and how completely different our lives had become. 

i saw them together. another person i used to call my best friend. and maybe i don't really know, but that wasn't love.. love is true. and love is happy. the look in your eyes, it wasn't happiness. i know you well enough to know that.. your smile seemed strained, the way it was when things started to go wrong. and the way your teeth clenched, are you really happy? he says he loves you.. but be careful. and don't settle for less.

i laughed with her again. and there wasn't tension. it was just like how things used to be. real laughter, happiness spilling out, the kind that makes tears roll down your face, and your stomach and jaw ache. and i was reminded we're all human. we're all struggling. and maybe things have been rough on her lately too. but true friendships, never die. 

i listened to her cry. because he was a boy, and her heart had been broken. i wished i could explain to her how everything really does manage to work out. i flashed back to all the times where i was in her shoes. when you wonder why in the world it all had to happen this way. thinking for hours, trying to figure things out, numerous nights crying yourself to sleep, when tears sting your eyes each time you see a couple, and absolutely everything reminds you of them, but then all those nights on your knees. saying please, please help me to some how move on with my life, and the feeling you get, looking back and realizing how you were strengthened.

i realized, that all those times, that seem to break you down so much. that take your heart and tear it into little tiny pieces that feel like they will never be put back together quite right.. they will be. it takes time, lots of time, and lots of faith. but when they finally do, you're so much stronger because of it. it gives you that sense of confidence, that no matter what, you can conquer anything.

when we talked today, it was obvious you didn't care in the least. but for once, i didn't leave with my heart aching, instead, it made me realize how happy i truly am. how grateful i am, that things worked out the way they did. that Lord's timing is absolutely perfect. and i wouldn't have chosen for things to have gone any other way. because now i'm stronger. and i'm truly happy. this is my life. and i'm living it. (: