rewind and repeat.

drama overload: it is what it is. take it or leave it. 

(this is probly one of those posts that you shouldn't post but do anyway and someone who you didn't expect to ends up reading it and yadda ya problems happen. whaatever.) these words are scattered, they've been erased and re-written multiple times, but i suppose that directly relates the feelings.. i've searched endlessly for a perfect song but there's none that fit to it just right. 

you started it all back up again, and despite what everyone else thought, i knew i wasn't going to let it go anywhere. in fact, i didn't even want to be friends. of course, you worked your way back in, you reminded me of the kid that i fell for. and, i considered us friends again. i saw your potential all over again. and this time, i really believed in you. not in trusting you, not in giving you my heart. but that you were really becoming the person you said you were. 

we hung out. and it was the highlight of my week. it was amazing. and once again, i saw the person i loved. i saw that we really could make this work being best friends, and that made me happier than anything. really. and that's when the rewind and repeat button was pushed. just like that i was watching the same scene over again. right when things started to work out. i can't describe it, it's just something that happens. when i get pushed way into the background. and friends? hah.. yeeah funny. 

it hurt differently this time. it hurt because i believed things would be different. i figured out that a relationship wasn't going to work. but i really thought best friends had a chance. apparently that won't be happening either though. 

maybe it's good for me. reminding me.. what i had come to know all along. what i didn't want to believe was the truth. and maybe when i saw you talking to her, it hurt me in a different way, i didn't long for that to be me. i ached because i didn't want you to give in, to what you said you wouldn't. and i didn't want to watch her get hurt. 

it's all alright. and i'm alright. and things work out. they always do.