too blunt.

i'll be so honest with you. it just wasn't there. and quite honestly i have nooo idea why. i wanted more than anything for it to be. but goodness, it wasn't. i don't know how it could all feel so right.. when nothing's there. i can't handle trying to pretend like it is. 
so what's the solution? i guess i'm putting it on hold temporarily.. because i simply have no idea what else to do. i still like you so much. so then why can't we simply just talk? why doesn't it click.. why can i still feel the awkward tension saying 'hey i'm still holding back... ' i'm not as open because of it.. and i try to be.. but it's hard. 
i don't know what to do. it seems like it should all be so much easier than it is.. it takes way too much effort. the other night, when i hung out with them. it was easy. like it has been since the first time we ever hung out. nothing was awkward. I am the same person, so then why is it soo different with you??? it shouldn't be that way...  so until that get's fixed this whole little thing is being put on hold. 
ps. we hit what, 3, 4, yellow lights? and i wished on 11:11, 5:55, and another one i don't remember? ZERO of my wishes came true. coooool bro.