This New Start.

This blog used to be my escape, my therapy, and honestly, a best friend.
It heard basically everything. Sometimes it went through phases, but for the most part I was pretty loyal.
For about two and a half years.. the good and the bad, all spilt onto here.

I suppose I got busier, and became completely devoted to a cute little blue book, with a pretty quote on the cover. My writing was no longer public, the ramblings of my heart kept safe. For only me.
I think I was changing, becoming quieter, and less outspoken. I stopped putting myself out there too.
and I'm not sure the reason why, or if there was any. I was content just living my little life.
In a sort, I was only wandering. Between points A and B waiting for something to pluck me up and give me a destination again. My life needed some zest, that I didn't even realize had been lacking.

Through it all, something was slowly happening. It was nothing out of the ordinary when I fell for a boy.
It was too typical. I thought someone was cute, they showed the slightest bit of interest, and I hopped on it.
Only waiting for it to die out after a couple weeks, or maybe even months if we were lucky.
But for some reason, this one never did. and somewhere along the way, I fell in love.

and when I realized this, it was a New Start. I hadn't realized that who I was, had been fading. He gave me back that ambition, that love for life, and mostly, that true real happiness. If I'm as loyal to this blog as I say I'll be, that'll probably become too repetitive. Because he honestly makes me happier than anyone else can, and I couldn't tell you how he does it.

It was a short phase in my life, but I could hardly describe it to you. Because I still haven't figured it out myself, as it became anything but typical. But it was the feelings I wish I could bottle up and save for days that need brightening. and now, It's the fact that he is leaving across the country for two years, and I'm secretly terrified of losing the happiness I found. I couldn't tell you why I turned back to this little blog, maybe because it's one of the places I find him the least. It was a separate life, and for some reason, I'm keeping it that way. Clearly it will be brought up on here, and probably fairly often too. But for some reason, having these lovely months only stashed safely in that little blue book, makes them more special, like no one can ever take them away from me.

I suppose this year feels like it'll be an important one, rediscovering myself, taking charge of my life and seeing where it takes me. It's a new start, a huge leap of faith, out of familiar territory and into who knows what as I let that door close behind me.