sincerely, your old best friend.

dear you...
you say that you miss me now more than i could ever imagine. and sometimes that's how i feel too. when i  remember calling you at late hours in the night because i was confused, because i needed someone to talk to, or simply because i was in a bad mood, and needed someone to cheer me up. no matter how late, i knew you'd always be there to talk to me.
i remember when we would hang out. and do the craziest things. the most random things, and having so much fun. having the first campfire, freaking out when cars would pull up, getting scared, and sitting in a circle singing primary songs.
i remember the time we spent hours finding spare change around your house, then walking two miles to wal-mart to buy lots of soda and salt and vinegar chips. then having to walk all the way back carrying the heavy soda. (:
i remember riding around on your four wheelers, up to the baseball park to eat the fresh grapes. and the night we put tons of crazy make-up on each other because we had nothing else to do. (:
i remember writing you notes at 1:00 in the morning. and laughing with you. i remember the first day i met you and instantly thinking we should be friends. i remember trusting you so much. and telling you absolutely everything.  i remember calling you my best friend...
but that's not all i remember. i remember hearing about the things you would say behind my back. and not wanting to believe them. i remember you lying to me about everything, and causing me more pain and tears than anyone else has in my entire life. for weeks, i would come home, and just cry. not knowing what to do. i remember thinking it was all my fault, and only wanting things to go back to the way they were before. wanting you to love and trust me again. i remember you discluding me. and saying all those rude things about me behind my back. and convincing multiple other people to hate me. for absolutely no reason. the dirty looks you would give me in the halls. and the smirks and whispering whenever i'd walk past.
i remember the last night i hung out with you guys. and i realized how down hill you had gone. realizing, that by hanging around you, i wasn't being uplifted at all. i was being torn down, so much. your jokes were anything but appropriate. and you didn't even care about me. in fact, you wanted absolutely nothing to do with me.
i remember calling my mom early, saying i felt sick. and coming home, knowing that i would probably never hang out with you guys again. i realized i didn't need you. because i had real friends. who loved and cared about me. who had been there all along.
to this day, i still don't know why you hated me so much. i still don't know why you would cut out a picture of me, and throw darts at it. i don't know what i did to you, why you did the things you did,  and why you had to change. others say you felt that i was competition to you, so you just got rid of me.
sometimes i still miss you. i see your pictures on facebook. and how much fun it looks like you're having. and wish i could be there. i see you smiling and laughing in the halls, and want to be a part of it. but then i remember. how you changed. and what it was really like to be on the inside. where someone was always hated and where gossiping, was the main topic of discussion.
i miss the old you. the one, who would never say anything rude. who's idea of fun, was matress surfing down the stairs. and who didn't participate in bad jokes.
so please, if you ever decide you want to be that girl again. then let me know. because that's the best friend. that i miss.
sincerely... me,
your old best friend.