dream.

my eyes may be focused on the teacher, or reading a history book, but my mind is in a whole other world. i can sit listening to a lecture quietly, or be writing an essay, but then leave, or look back, only to realize i didn't learn anything i should've. 

if there's windows, i'm usually lost somewhere out there. lately, it's been wishing that the grass was green. that there was leaves on the trees. that i could feel the warmth of the sun rather than be stuck in a classroom staring out the drab, lifeless winter. 

i often wonder about people. the girl sitting next to me. the kid tapping his pencil on the other side of the room... what they're really like, not what they are on the surface that everyone sees, but what really goes on underneath. i wonder about what they're thinking at the moment, perhaps how they didn't get enough sleep, how they wish this lecture was over, or maybe their mind has wandered to thinking about getting up the nerve to talk to that girl or guy at lunch. i wonder where they'll go in life, if they'll graduate high school, or go to college, the type of person they'll marry, and what their kids will be like. 

i dream about my life. if i'm doing things right. if today will end up to be just another day. if i'll come to the end only to realize that nothing spectacular has happened. i think about my husband. wherever he may be, and what he's doing right now... i think about if i've met him, or if he's just out there waiting to meet me. 

i think about how in the world i'll ever make it through high school. how i'll ever make it through three more years, of lectures, and homework, and tests... and if it's only supposed to get harder...? how will i ever make it through.

and often times, as much as i might try to avoid it, my mind usually wanders back to that kid. wishing he would like me. and then that other one. wondering, if i'll ever even see him again. or if he was just another person, come and gone. 

i obviously have a short attention span, and an even lower level of focus. 

but hey, i'm a dreamer.