a first grade journal entry.

some days i wish i could just see the simplicity in things. like how it truly wasin first grade. 

see how everything that day went perfect so i have every right to be happy. 

and not see all the little things that are conflicting to create problems. 

i wish my journal entry just looked like this..

yesterday.
that boy in seminary told me i was cute. he is a nice boy. today was easy. we jogged a couple laps jogged in p.e. and watched a movie in history. it was sad. and physics was easy too.
i left gym early to go the pageant last night with carrie and it was super fun.
i stayed up late just talking with family. then i finished my math homework. then i went to bed.
today i woke up late but curled my hair in 15 minutes. i looked cute. it was going to be a good day.
the health test was easy. i'm sure i got a good score.
i fiinished early. and i wrote in my journal for a long time.
spanish we had a 'fiesta'. we ate chips and salsa and just laughed the whole time.
we had the homecoming assembly which was fine. at least we didn't have to do work.
english was good, we preformed our play. i only had to narrate, and my drawing got chosen for our group project.
lunch was good, i got a 95 on my math test, and i understood what we learned.
i get to work register at work today.

but it doesn't. because that's all true, but then the real things comes in.. 

i should be happy right now but i'm just not. i don't know what's bugging me. and maybe it's just been to long since i've cried. maybe i'm pms'y and starting tomorrow.. i don't know. i just know it's all inside and it needs to come out. because.. i just don't know anymore.
i was so sure about him. and i guess i still am.. but then why does it feel so wrong right now? i still got butterflies when he talked to me today but i was full of doubt. i know i shouldn't doubt. i don't. i trust him soo much. he's not lying. and he does truly care.. so then why do things seem so weird.. so.. just not right?
and everything happening should put me in a good mood, i have no reason not to be.. everything should be okay.. so right.
but it's just not..