a shooting star must've come at just the right time...

at the time, it was only a draft..  

August 13, 2011. 

dear boy. 
i think sophomore year would be the perfect time for you to show up. because honestly, i want to fall in love already. really. it won't be real. few highschool relationship are. but i want a boy to sweep me off my feet when i least expect it. to tell me i'm beautiful and for it to be absolutely perfect. he'll love every one of my imperfections and i will barely even notice his. we'll be perfect. and late at night when i'm stressed beyond belief wondering how in the wolrd i'll ever make it, he'll be one text away. and we can talk as late as necessary and he won't give up until he knows i'm alright. i'll be sarcastic, and tease him and taunt him, but it's just because i want to be sure he'll stick around. he doesn't have to be popular or the opposite, he just has to be a boy who's willing to become best friends with all my friends, guys and girls. he can come to our parties and won't feel like the odd one out. we can have movie parties and he'll let me sit close as he whispers in my ear and holds my hand tight. i don't want to wait until i'm 20 for this, and i don't want to give in and let it be some idiot. i want to tell my kids about that boy in highschool. how he broke my heart even though he promised he wouldn't, or how things just weren't right and i accidentally broke his. i want to go back to say how dumb it all  was and how everything is working out for the better without him. but i want to be able to say i loved him.. even if it wasn't real. i loved him. 
when he sees me in the hall he'll immidiately think of how beautiful i am, and how proud he is to say i belong to him. he won't be awkward, at all, but at first he'll worry about saying the right things when i'm around. when i see him, my butterflies will start to go crazy. i'll look up and then down just to see if he will wave first, and he'll run up to talk to me even if he's rushing to class. 
he'll tell me i'm gorgeous, but that there's more than just the outward appearance. he'll love my personality despite my quirks. i won't wear make-up and put little effort into my hair, just be to sure he really likes me for who i am. and he'll tell me i'm beautiful anyway. all the things that most girls only dream of hearing, he'll be telling me. he'll want whats best for me and only that..
i feel like i'm describing prince charming that i'll marry. but i don't plan to meet prince charming in high school. probably it will just be another high school fling. but definitely not a regret. more than anything, i want him this year. i want to fall head over heels for him and have him feel the same way. maybe we'll last through next summer, or maybe by then we''ve found someone new. but i want someone. someone to call mine. someone to have that summer romance with that every girl's dreamed of. but before then.. i want someone to go night sledding with me and hold close to keep me warm. someone to sit with inside with watching as the snow falls outside. someone to show me love.. someone to get me through hard times. other girls, will wish to have what we've already got.. just like how i've always wished towards others. we'll have the perfect first kiss. not one of the stupid ones that everyone regrets. 
my friends will approve of and become best friends with him. it won't be a stupid relationship where they get left behind. we'll continue to be best friends and grow closer. when i'm not around his friends will tease him for hours on end.. but he won't care. because he'll know he really does like me as much as they mock him for. and it will be the same with me.. and as i watch chick flicks.. i'll picture him sitting with me. and half the time he will be. (: using every excuse he can to try and hang out with me on weekends. when other guys try and flirt with me, it'll frustrate him and he'll pull me a little closer. i'll flirt with boys just to get him to react, and he'll pretend he's not jealous even if it's killing him inside. he'll tell me i'm his. and that i always will be. even if that isn't the truth. and he'll call me brit, because he knows that's what i love. when we're first getting to know each other,  he'll tell me cute things about how he's never ever opened up to a girl like he has to me. how he's never felt towards a girl the same way he does about me, he'll tell me how i'm different from any other girl, and how much he truly cares for me. he'll claim he loves me, that this is all real. and i'll say stop. no. you don't. what about her.. and her and her.. you probably told them the exact same things. and i vow not to just be another one. he'll tell me i'm different and he doesn't even consider them anymore. and i'll believe him.. rumors might start but we'll know the truth. my heart might get broken but it will all have been worth it. including that kiss. the one that made me dance around the room all night long. the outfit i wore will bring back happy memories every time i see it. i'll save the memory because it's one that can't be replaced. it won't be just him and i. it will be us.
so please. i don't expect perfection. and i don't expect us to get married. but isn't a high school love part of the adventure of life? if think you've got a chance, go for it.. you might have a lot to live up to.. but i wouldn't make it something to regret. 

but really, i don't expect to find you. this is just me.. dreaming about what i wish could be.