i hate texting.

well, we didn't talk all day. it wasn't because i didn't want to.  i did. but you should realize that what you did, kinda isn't okay. i know you realize that, but i can't go on and act like everything is all perfectly fine between the two of us when it isn't. 
i wasn't ignoring you. last night you asked me to leave you alone because you needed time to think.. and that's exactly what i did. i thought i had you figured out. saturday night. when there was an 'us'.. but from sunday up to tonight. i think i really do know you so much better than i ever did in that four months and four days. i'll be honest. i missed you too today, but i've learned that life sucks when you let guys determine your happiness. 
i was let down. super let down. you flat out lied to me. i asked, "did you kiss her." your response? "no brit, i would never do that to you. i love you. trust me brit. please trust me. i'm done with her. but she'll say anything to tear us apart." i questioned you, and you said, "please trust me. i will never lie to you." so i did, i gave in, i promised to trust you until you gave me a reason not to. and i guess there goes my trust.. 
i know you made a mistake. i'm honestly completely okay with the fact that you guys kissed. like i've said. you can like whoever you want. i'll be fine. it's the fact that you lived that lie for so long that bugs me so much.. 
i want to stay best friends. trust me i do. but i know if we are, i won't be able to help but love you. and sometimes i have to be selfish. and say no. i can't do this to me. i handled it super well this time. but if i had to go through it all again? it would be so much worse. because then i'd be letting myself down. i'd know it was coming and get hurt anyway. i know you have a heart, but today it looked like it chose her over me. not your previous ex who i've become best friends with. not her, i mean the kangaroo. which is fine. you ditched (previously mentioned ex) for me, i figured another girl would come along eventually. and you know, sometimes what hurts the most is to see someone else get what was once yours. i saw you flirting with her after school. honestly, i wanted to come slap you and say if you're not going to keep your hands to yourself, atleast give them to me. but hey, ignoring me is cool too. if she was someone absolutely amazing who would make you better i wouldn't be offended. but for some reason she doesn't strike me as that type of a girl. she's nice. and i know that was totally judgemental of me to say that. but really, don't do anything stupid. i obviously still care for you a lot.. 
i know you're hating yourself for what you've done. but please forgive yourself. you did a whole lot of lying. but honestly, i do forgive you. not necessarilly trust... but you're forgiven. 
(but honestly this time, no tears or taylor swift was involved..)