drowning all over again..

it's like i was walking on a tightrope over a river. perfectly balanced. with my head held high. 
you began to pull on me until eventually i fell. and you caught  me in your net.
and we were happy as could be. the river raged below, but i knew i was safe.  

then all the sudden, the net that was once so secure, began to weaken. 
until eventually you completely pulled it out from under me.
i struggled through the rough rapids. doing all i could to keep my head up.
until he came along and threw me the lifeline. helping me to shore.

and i made it right back up to that tight rope. more confident than ever.
proud of myself for surviving the crazy waters below. nothing would shake me. nothing could pull at me.
i danced and tumbled along the tight rope. happier and more steady than ever. 

so someone please explain what's happening now. why do i feel as though i'm only barely holding on.
like that same first time, when you began to pull. i'm tripping, weakening.
those raging waters seem closer and closer. splashing onto me, i'm reliving that pain all over again.

i was so strong. why can't i regain my balance.
that lifeline is still there. that boy is reaching, trying to help me out. promising safety.
but maybe i can't grasp onto something new, because i'm afraid it will only let me go.
just like that net. i'm absolutely terrified, to let myself trust. i can't take the hurt again.
i really just can't...