flashing back..

freshman edition.

one word to describe sophomore year: beautiful. 

it feels basically all my posts have consisted of that word. because maybe this year, i discovered so much more beauty in everything, just in life. and sophomore year has truly been beautiful.
it might not have been what i expected.
but coming into high school, really what was i to expect?
in the end, it looked a little like so..

Part I: The Love Stories. 

(#1) it all started day one. he claimed his heart had been stolen at first glance, and it took off  from there. i thought i was in love. our weekends were spent together. and i thought a wish was coming true. i lived in my own little fairytale, and i didn't think anything would change. 

he meant a lot to me, and kept me going when i felt like giving up. it was never declared a relationship, and at some points for me it would fade into just friends. a couple other kids walked in, but they walked right back out, and he was always the one i went back to. 

november? rough. real rough. luckily, throughout it all, i'd managed to find myself. and when the first storm came, i survived. this story has been told too many times so we'll keep it simple. it didn't work out. i continued to forgive and i continued to get hurt. when it was all over. i ended up alright. 

(#2) as the first faded out i got my hopes up with someone new. well it clearly was unrealistic. and i cried. and we stayed best friends. and he liked one of my best friends, and i was oblivious and didn't even realize at first. i'm not even sure why, but i made an effort to stay friends. and somewhere along the way, things changed. he healed my heart, and suddenly i wasn't just in the background, we became the best of friends. and i guess that's the current standing. he's the greatest, and i'm smitten. and we'll see where it goes. 

Part II: On the inside. 

i started off great. i was confident, content, and happy. my friends were undeniably amazing, and school was fine. but highschool began to take it's toll on me. late nights of homework and way to much procrastination. people changing, trying to figure things out. happiness became harder to find. but i pushed through. 

when the boy walked out of my life, it was weird. i handled things pretty well at first, i was still me, and i didn't need a guy. but of course i had begun to fall for a different boy, he wasn't interested in the least. and it hurt. then february hit, and everything else started to change. it was one of the lowest points for me. i felt as though i'd been put on hold, and that no one cared. despite my prayers, nothing was working out. and all i wanted was what i had before, the security, and the acceptance, the feeling he'd given me. i quit gym, i didn't know why, i just knew it was the only thing that felt right at the time. and i know it was.
march came in, and things took off. life was incredible. i was happier than i'd been all year and my confidence returned. student council, and elections week, were so. much. fun. i stayed busy, made tons of new friends, and had the greatest of times. and the rest of the year was pretty similar. just living my life to the fullest. loving people. and finishing off strong.  

Part III: Becoming Me.  It was..

being stubborn. and not just handing over my heart. 

believing in love. and letting my reality become a temporary fairytale. 

getting hit with typical high school insecurities. but coming out happier and more confident than ever. 

despite falling asleep in seminary occasionally, learning so much. and absolutely loving the silent lessons. 

reading my scriptures daily, only missing a few days, and relying on prayer so much. 

weekends full of endless adventures. to many to count. 

becoming absolute best friends with jess. and realizing she's necessary in my life. 

growing so much closer to all my friends, and absolutely loving all of them.  

keeping a 2012 calendar. of what i've done every single day this year. 

relying on my patriarchal blessing to strengthen and guide me when i need it most. 

waking up early to let the temple become a part of my life, and bless me more than anything.
often times spending lunch in smithson's room. because math is terrible. and homework is even worse.
or sometimes simply just because i didn't want to have to deal with people. 

not knowing how in the heck i survived pre-calculus honors. and still hating math. 

and, surviving physics. a miracle, really. but only because of mav, danica, and rachel.
learning i can't do it all alone. and sometimes you do have to rely on others. 

quitting gym, and running home an emotional wreck.
staying friends with that kid, even when it was clear he didn't care for me. 

deciding not to be intimidated by the attractive juniors. and becoming great friends with all of them.

living on literally no sleep. procrastinating far to often and developing a terrible habit of staying up late.

running for student council, campaigning like crazy, and having the greatest time with white team.
becoming junior class officer and being absolutely ecstatic. 

wednesday's and friday's = soccer games. #1 fans. 

relying on my Savior. when nothing was working out. and continuing to push forward. 

more weekends full of spontaneity. football and basketball games. and so much fun. 

developing a terrible addiction to shopping. and most days pulling my hair back with minimal make-up. 

turning down going to prom. because i'm young. but good news, i survived just fine. 

getting into the habit of going running. and deciding to cross country this summer.. (what..?)
wishing on 11:11 every chance i get, and letting my wishes come true. 

so much time spent on the swingset. rain or shine. when i needed a break. just to slow down and take it all in. 

balancing work, and for half the year gym also. and loving my job so much. 

learning not to care, not over-thinking the small stuff, or stressing things that don't matter. 

proving wrong all the people who say, 'you won't keep your best friends in highschool'  and it's a darn good thing i did. 

and honestly, just learning to live my life to it's fullest. 

and loving whatever comes my way. 

it was my sophomore year. 

and i'd say, it was pretty fantastic. (: