definitely not haters.

i promised answers. 

so here they are. 

1) are you guys still friends? or are you haters?

i assure you we're not haters. 

this kid became my best friend, and despite all the stupid things he's done, i could never hate him. 

we became super close. and it's not something i'm will to just throw away. 

all my friends might wish otherwise, because they know i deserve more..

we're not what we used to be, but we're still friends. 

2) what happened since the elevens? 

everything happened..  

in my opinion, it was the turning point when we went opposite directions. 

for me, it meant i could trust him. so i gave in and called it love. i accepted him as my best friend, and thought nothing would come between us. i cared for him more than ever and assumed he felt the same. i was carefree and happy because i trusted him so much. 

i don't know exactly what happened with him. he was 16 and able to date now, and the more i began to care, the less he did. things were different. and i realized he didn't love me like he used to.

the little things he used to do, just to see me smile, the good morning texts, cheesy lines, and everything else he knew i loved, stopped coming. there were good days and bad but i couldn't accept the fact that he was moving on.

he made out with kissed another girl. but claimed it was completely not his fault. i was stupid and in love, and i forgave him quickly. right after though, everything began to be uncovered. everything i believed, turned out to be lies, and all the truths came out. (luckily i'd had a good week, and this didn't take a toll on my mood yet)  i wasn't mad at first. just disappointed. i thought he was an idiot but i didn't let it get to me. 

i forgave.. and time went on. he asked me to trust him again, but things still weren't the same as before. and they never could be. and honestly it seemed like he didn't even want me back. 

he did everything he could to try and make me jealous. and, he fell for a senior. 

he promised me it was nothing, but he constantly chose her over me, and it hurt. 

the best friend, that i knew always made everything better. was definitely not there for me anymore. 

we argued often. because i'm stubborn and nothing he did was real.  

everything kind of blurred together. half the time he loved me but usually it was just an act. 

over and over he promised to be better, because he knew that's what i deserved. 

but nothing ever changed. 

some days were better than others. and a few times i caught glimpses of the kid i fell in love with. 

and one day, i finally trusted him and let him back in. 

well, same night, he told me once again it had been a lie, and he loved her. 

there's not many thoughts i keep to myself, and i assure you, he knew exactly how i felt about it all. 

he apologized but i realized this was really the end. 

he promised he would win me back, 'he would do anything' because 'he could never lose me', and 'he needed me in his life'

 he promised things would go back to how they used to be. but i learned his promises usually weren't ones kept. 

i wish he was willing to fight and win me back. 

because honestly, there are times i miss him so so much. 

hoping that vibrate will mean a text from him. 

or that maybe, i'll wake up to a cute good morning message. 

but i've realized i deserve someone who really does care. 

not just someone who pretends to..