a shooting star must've come at just the right time...

at the time, it was only a draft..  

August 13, 2011. 

dear boy. 
i think sophomore year would be the perfect time for you to show up. because honestly, i want to fall in love already. really. it won't be real. few highschool relationship are. but i want a boy to sweep me off my feet when i least expect it. to tell me i'm beautiful and for it to be absolutely perfect. he'll love every one of my imperfections and i will barely even notice his. we'll be perfect. and late at night when i'm stressed beyond belief wondering how in the wolrd i'll ever make it, he'll be one text away. and we can talk as late as necessary and he won't give up until he knows i'm alright. i'll be sarcastic, and tease him and taunt him, but it's just because i want to be sure he'll stick around. he doesn't have to be popular or the opposite, he just has to be a boy who's willing to become best friends with all my friends, guys and girls. he can come to our parties and won't feel like the odd one out. we can have movie parties and he'll let me sit close as he whispers in my ear and holds my hand tight. i don't want to wait until i'm 20 for this, and i don't want to give in and let it be some idiot. i want to tell my kids about that boy in highschool. how he broke my heart even though he promised he wouldn't, or how things just weren't right and i accidentally broke his. i want to go back to say how dumb it all  was and how everything is working out for the better without him. but i want to be able to say i loved him.. even if it wasn't real. i loved him. 
when he sees me in the hall he'll immidiately think of how beautiful i am, and how proud he is to say i belong to him. he won't be awkward, at all, but at first he'll worry about saying the right things when i'm around. when i see him, my butterflies will start to go crazy. i'll look up and then down just to see if he will wave first, and he'll run up to talk to me even if he's rushing to class. 
he'll tell me i'm gorgeous, but that there's more than just the outward appearance. he'll love my personality despite my quirks. i won't wear make-up and put little effort into my hair, just be to sure he really likes me for who i am. and he'll tell me i'm beautiful anyway. all the things that most girls only dream of hearing, he'll be telling me. he'll want whats best for me and only that..
i feel like i'm describing prince charming that i'll marry. but i don't plan to meet prince charming in high school. probably it will just be another high school fling. but definitely not a regret. more than anything, i want him this year. i want to fall head over heels for him and have him feel the same way. maybe we'll last through next summer, or maybe by then we''ve found someone new. but i want someone. someone to call mine. someone to have that summer romance with that every girl's dreamed of. but before then.. i want someone to go night sledding with me and hold close to keep me warm. someone to sit with inside with watching as the snow falls outside. someone to show me love.. someone to get me through hard times. other girls, will wish to have what we've already got.. just like how i've always wished towards others. we'll have the perfect first kiss. not one of the stupid ones that everyone regrets. 
my friends will approve of and become best friends with him. it won't be a stupid relationship where they get left behind. we'll continue to be best friends and grow closer. when i'm not around his friends will tease him for hours on end.. but he won't care. because he'll know he really does like me as much as they mock him for. and it will be the same with me.. and as i watch chick flicks.. i'll picture him sitting with me. and half the time he will be. (: using every excuse he can to try and hang out with me on weekends. when other guys try and flirt with me, it'll frustrate him and he'll pull me a little closer. i'll flirt with boys just to get him to react, and he'll pretend he's not jealous even if it's killing him inside. he'll tell me i'm his. and that i always will be. even if that isn't the truth. and he'll call me brit, because he knows that's what i love. when we're first getting to know each other,  he'll tell me cute things about how he's never ever opened up to a girl like he has to me. how he's never felt towards a girl the same way he does about me, he'll tell me how i'm different from any other girl, and how much he truly cares for me. he'll claim he loves me, that this is all real. and i'll say stop. no. you don't. what about her.. and her and her.. you probably told them the exact same things. and i vow not to just be another one. he'll tell me i'm different and he doesn't even consider them anymore. and i'll believe him.. rumors might start but we'll know the truth. my heart might get broken but it will all have been worth it. including that kiss. the one that made me dance around the room all night long. the outfit i wore will bring back happy memories every time i see it. i'll save the memory because it's one that can't be replaced. it won't be just him and i. it will be us.
so please. i don't expect perfection. and i don't expect us to get married. but isn't a high school love part of the adventure of life? if think you've got a chance, go for it.. you might have a lot to live up to.. but i wouldn't make it something to regret. 

but really, i don't expect to find you. this is just me.. dreaming about what i wish could be. 

"i got sunshine in my pocket, a big smile on my face.."

changin' me~ cady groves

it's kinda ridiculous how truly happy i am. 

and there are few things anyone could do to change that right now. 

ask anyone i worked with today. i couldn't focus, (not that i ever can..) i was singing, and talking to much, and laughing at myself constantly. 

my job that i used to dislike so much, i learned to love it. and i really do. 

plus, i might possibly get to start working cashier. and i'm ecstatic. because really, there are few things i want more right now then to get out of the back and actually be able to socialize with people. 

to make life better, i got off more than an hour early because it was so slow. giving me time to study for my math test. (or obviously blog :)

i don't feel the need to straighten or curl my hair every day, and wear lots of make-up. i'm confident and content with sleeping in later, pulled back hair and only mascara.

(even though i'll probably get ready tomorrow for once :)
it's unbelievable how sore i am. i cringe every time i move. literally. but really, it's great. (:

early morning temple trips are becoming one of my favorite things. thanks to hailey, alisha, nicole, and kasja. 

my friends are amazing. we laugh at dumb things, and are so easily entertained, but i sure do love them. (:
today i watched a guy ask a girl on a date. he was so nervous. it was so cute. 

that boy makes me happy, and we're probably already best friends. (: 

i wish i could be 16 and be asked to homecoming. only one more year. 

i'm learning to live on 6 or 7 hours of sleep and inconsistent eating patters. (calm down i eat lots) 

and how to survive while being super busy. 

my classes are great. the teachers are for the most part incredible, and my classes are full of all my favorite people. remember day two when i hated high school? oh man, i absolutely love it. 

i apologize for the lack of depth in my recent posts. when i find time, they'll come. (: 

read your scriptures. 

say your prayers. 

go to the temple. 

and please be optimistic. 

life is to good to waste your time being sad or depressed. 

(oh, and look what i did to my wall this summer :)

you were right. things got better.

we claimed our spot at lunch. by the giant viking statue. feel free to join us.
a smart cute kid to sit by me in math. and i even understood the assignment.
we had the last week off of gym.
best people watching in the world happens to be the high school student center during lunch.
my best friends, really are the greatest in the entire world.
funny experiences at work.. haha.. to many to count.
opening up my locker to find someone else' stuff. and she walks up behind me. good news. we're locker buddies. then i switched lockers.
getting paid to go to staff meetings. and having two pay checks.
this kid acknowleding me and flirting with me again. it was cute, made my day, but we're definitely just friends..
having coach henry (baseball coach) for fitness and not having to swim.
hanging out with kenzie in that class (:
texts that make me laugh to help me survive senorita bird reading to me in spanish..
a temple trip with hailey and alisha. and the hilarious guy.
blogging friends who honestly care.
sitting by tons of fun people in seminary and people actually singing the hymns. (:
a new girl to work with who's honestly one of my favorite people ever.
the most amazing english class in the entire world and a perfect seating chart.
not to mention gallagher is my idol.
my patriarchal blessing.
sewing pillows in young womens and sharing stories. (:
the football game. that kid. my water girl. my cheerleaders. and my best friends.
hanging out on jessica's porch.
super attractive xc runners. plus a nice tan.
giving in and trusting people.
people who say nice things. and make you feel special.
surprise visits at work. hahaha.. good thing no one saw that.
bonfires starting slightly awkward but ending up being tons and tons of fun(:
these amazing thunder and lightning storms!
a dog that oinks. literally..
the fact that my blog gets discussed at family parties. wait. that's not a good thing.
marshmallow/starburst fights? (:
adorable texts.
the most amazing young womens lesson ever.
finishing all my homework.. including that essay.
gym starts up again tomorrow.
and way to many people to be named.

please just make things better.

high school is different. it's change... and i'm not okay with it..

can i please just go back to junior high..? because in junior high i always found a friend to walk through the halls with me. my classes were full of people i could honestly call friends. at lunch i always knew exactly where to sit, and where everyone was and would be. our spot along the wall was perfect. everyone would come by and talk to us and it was the highlight the day.math was hard but i managed and all my friends were in it with me.. 

and now i don't know what to do.. 

i walk through the halls and only see unfamiliar faces or people who i'm not acquainted with.. in class i have lots of friends but it's not the same.. lunch wasn't even that great. we haven't claimed a place to be our own yet.. which i guess no one has. but even when we walked around we didn't see and talk to everyone like we used to...  we don't rule the school anymore.. and math.. why they heck am i a sophomore in precalc?! honestly brit. what was i thinking? i know two people in the class. i look around and see everyone whose hearts are set upon math. the math geeks that are brilliant and will probly do something in life like discover the cure for cancer. i'm not one of them. i'm the one who dreams of being a cosmetologist and a 6th grade teacher. i do math because i can, if i try my hardest, really i'd rather be writing.. or creating.. something artistic and unique. i don't memorize concepts and formulas.. and an A in the class? with 100% on all assignments you have to get atleast an 89% on the tests... last year, that was a good score for me. and when i left school, instead of seeing all my friends on the way out and talking and sharing stories with them, i was once again in the center of  mass amounts of people.. i saw my friends but they were all rushing in different directions.

it just isn't the same. 

and more than anything i wish it could be.. ):

i'm cliche and cheesy lines get to me.

he's an oak canyon kid. where the majority think they're to cool for us. 

we'd met a couple times but he's never seemed to care enough to learn my name. 

so his wave caught me completely off guard. later he deecided to strike up conversation number two, 

i apologized for not returning his wave and a short conversation followed. 

when we were all having pizza, he seemed to linger close but i didn't pay any attention. 

i heard my name and saw him glance up. he thought i was cute, and i made the mistake of thinking his cousin being a girlfriend. 

shortly after school was out i got a text. he didn't have to tell me for me to know who he was but i might've played hard to get, 

and let my friends have a little to much fun taunting him and telling about my (nonexistent) boyfriend. 

"when i saw you i couldn't take my eyes off you. not only cause you are beyond gorgeous but i saw something else in you.. i don't know how to describe it."

"hah even though i really don't have a chance with you. you. are. gorgeous brit(: inside and out. i might barely know you, but i don't need anymore to tell."

and it wasn't even day one. 

oh haai.. sophomore?!

despite what my co-workers and many others have previously thought. i'm not 20. i haven't graduated highschool. actually, i haven't even begun. 

in my mind. high school was is going to be an exciting adventure. 

let's be real my thought process went something like this. 

"aaah i can't wait! so many cute new clothes! seeing all my friends again! making so many new friends! finally being at the high school! flirting with cute boys! taking fun classes, it will amaaazing!"

of course i realized it would consume my life, (like it tends to do..) 

but the reality of actually being in school, didn't hit me until i was reading here.. 

she's already back in school... and in one week, we'll all have let it taken over our lives too.  

attempting to learn spanish. and trying my hardest to keep up in math. although it will most likely still ruin my life. carrying around heavy textbooks. wasting away time with busy work. forgetting important things that you were supposed to bring. people that irk you. procrastinating everything way to much and watching time fly by. 

it's all coming back. 

but good news. (along with the fact that this summer has been spectacular) 

we went to the high school today. and not only can i fit in my locker, buuut i can find my way around too. 

and i'm determined not to get lost on day one. (oh seventh grade. hah.) 

please use your imagination and pretend i have a neck in this picture. mmk. 

august sixteenth?

wait.. what? 

i still feel like it's june. and i'm not quite sure what happened to july. or the first half of august..  

school is starting monday and i have to say i am pretty darn excited. (:

other than the fact that my amount of free time will drastically decrease. ..

therefore resulting in less posts. (which is probly more of a problem for me than for you.

i've got lots of ideas. that need to become posts before this summer ends. 

but lately i've been busy. 

so for now, 

what advice do you have for a soon to be sophomore?

this is us.

yesterday while napping i dreamed that beth surprised us, quit cheer, and came back to gym. in the dream i hugged her and started to cry. 

beth, i promise i don't hate you for doing cheer instead, i completely 100% understand, i guess i just miss spending 10+ extra hours with you every week... 

maddie, i miss you too. pleeease come home from virginia so we can have another photoshoot and go on more adventures? 

nicole.. you have no idea how much i missed you when you decided to leave me for a month. good thing you're finally home. 

kenna. i'm glad you're home from your family reunion. because oviously my life isn't complete without you. . 

rachel and sarah.. i guess we've all just been crazy busy. but good job to you both on making the soccer team! you both deserve it soo much! (:

jess, i'm so glad we found time to play finally. because phone calls just aren't the same.

and court, even when we do hardly anything, i always absolutely love spending time with you. just talking.  

every single person i have talked to about high school tells me the same thing. 

it's absolutely amazing, and soo much better than junior high, but always be open to becoming friends with new people because you won't keep all your same friends if any. because in high school, people change. you meet so many new people, your old friends just go their separate ways and it's totally not a big deal.

they made it sound like this is how it has to be. whether anyone likes it or not.

like it's like an unwritten rule, it's just how it goes. 

at the time, there was some tension going through our group. it wasn't all of  us, and probably it was mostly me. but i'll be honest i was beginning to doubt.. 

one night i finally opened up to kassie, and told her about everything that had been bothering me. 

how i felt like i had been so selfish and completely torn my friends apart. that everything had gone wrong, was my fault and what if things just got worse and never better? i confessed how truly terrified i was for high school, and for once i was on the outside looking in at the situation. 

as i talked about it i realized things that i hadn't before. and i thought i figured it all out. 

other people i didn't usually hang out with started inviting me to and i accepted. i figured why not, maybe i'll end up becoming best friends with them.. 

but as hard as i tried, it wasn't the same. nothing was the same. and no matter what i would never have as much fun with them as i'd had with my best friends. i started to realize that there was no way anyone could ever compare to them. and no one could ever replace the spot that they filled in my life. our personalities may be completely different, we might have different hobbies and teammates, but that doesn't matter. because we'll always have each other.

 i love them more than anything, and there is no one i would rather experience high school with. 

of course we'll branch out, and make so many new friends, 

but when it comes down to it, we'll always be best friends.